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Essential Relationships

Practical Perspective:  Bringing a new Focus to Conflict

Relationships, whether they are with family, friends, spouse/partner, or co-workers, are foundational to our human experience.  There is very little you do that does not involve other human beings.  Indeed, relationships are an essential aspect of spiritual growth and progress.

The challenge of relationship is this:  how do you, with your own unique and amazing Essential Nature, make life work with others who have their own unique and amazing Essential Nature, too?  If they have the same values and desires that you have, great.  Everyone is happy.  But really, how often does that happen?  Over here in my experience, not so much.

What happens when you disagree?  One of three things:  you cave, and just let the other have their way (for now); you fight, taking control and asserting yourself (and the other caves, and you know how that feels); or you compromise, where you sort of/maybe get what you want, and the other does, too, but neither is fulfilled.  Sound familiar?  In my opinion, all of these options are like putting sour half and half in my morning coffee–they just leave a bad taste.

I have another option for you, though.  Try on this Practical Perspective:  What if you could, in the midst of the conflict, acknowledge your own Essential Nature, and acknowledge the other person’s, too, and keep communicating from that place until a new solution arose?  In effect, what if you could engage your innate creative Divine spark to think outside of the box?

Ask yourself:  what would be most important to you if your focus was on your Essential Nature, and understanding theirs?  What would happen if you take a little more time to allow the Deepest Truth–the authentic concerns and heartfelt longings–to arise in the conversation?

This takes focus, commitment, and practice—and lots of healthy self love.

When the next next storm is brewing in that familiar relationship, take a moment and remember to ask yourself, What’s essential here?  What sacred gifts want to arise in this conversation?  What blessings want to live here?  If you enter from this place, you will have a distinctly different experience from most human beings, and you will have an opportunity to both share your greatest gifts, but also provide a space where the other can, too.


Feminine and Masculine:  Understanding the Differences

So often, in intimate relationships we just get stuck.  One day, you wake up and the magic is gone, replaced by responsibilities:  the bills, the kids, the house, work, dinner, and even planning a vacation can become a burden.

In the midst of being responsible, we often forget why we chose this partner in the first place.  We try to stay connected, and we really do our best to give the other what we think they need, or what would help.  Unfortunately, that seldom works, and more often backfires creating more of a mess than we start with.

The problem lies in how we relate to each other as women and men.  (The same holds true for same sex partners when one holds more of the masculine and the other holds more of the feminine.  We all have both, by the way.  We all know some men who are more creative, fluid, and receptive, and some women who are more driven, results oriented, and active.)

Men and women just don’t understand that they are different in fundamentally psychological ways.  We have different ways of navigating the world.  We have different needs.

In this illuminating and hysterical video, Mark Gungor clearly defines the differences between men and women (the masculine and feminine), and in particular, how our brains are so very different.

Click here to enjoy it, and then apply it to your relationship.  I know it will give you more space for your partner or spouse to be themselves, and more space for you to be you, too.